My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Quick, to the slutcave!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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