I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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