do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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