Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
