not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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