dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How does one acquire holy water?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
