OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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