He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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