I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
lol hangovers are for mortals.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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