New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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