Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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