Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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