Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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