I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize