I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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