Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
