I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize