How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
