My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
