Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
