The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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