I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm too high and old for this...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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