who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
