Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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