Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
