There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
