1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I deserve this hangover.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
