she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
