Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
