He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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