I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
