Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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