Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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