so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
