I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
