I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
