Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
