I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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