I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
