are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
