guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
