she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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