She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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