i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
His nipple licking is glorious
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