I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
