I didn't shave. On purpose
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
