She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
