u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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