i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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