I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
