There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
