beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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