I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
