Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize