mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
