it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
