A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
