and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
