did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
