I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
