i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
