the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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