that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
