My Higher Power is John Stamos
vagina is talking i cant
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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