Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
