just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
